Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

Lily: Where's the little leprechaun?
Cam: I think he's still getting dressed.

We call ourselves the artful lodgers.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

She may not have gotten our talent, but she didn't get our self-consciousness either.

Obviously there were 2 gifts wrapped similarly and my eyes were a little watery from the thick fog of vapor rub back there.

Cam: I present to you the Asian for any occassion, the clown that will invert that frown, the dynamic duo of Fizbo and...
Lily: Lizbo!
Mitchell: Are you not hearing that?
Cam: We're working on the name.

This was a huge mistake. I am jammed in the backseat with a hairy Peruvian biter. It's spring break '92 all over again!

Cam: It was right about then that a question started nagging at me: "Is Phil sexy?"

Cam: Umm well I can raise the roof and do the cabbage patch.
Mitchell: And I can do the single lady hand thing.
Cam: Yeah but put your neck into it or you just look like the Queen waving.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.