Cam: Hey we got a package from my dad!
Mitchell: No air holes in the box, that's a good sign.
Cam: Lily loved having that chicken.
Mitchell: One more time than she realized.

Cam: You wanna tell me how you accidentally gave someone your key?
Mitchell: You wanna tell me why you spent all day sipping tequila out of some guy's navel?
Cam: You saw that?
Mitchell: I guessed!

Oh my gosh, an actual gay agenda.

Cam: Do you feel what's happening here?
Mitchell: I feel pinching!
Cam: I'm the weak link in the super-group.

I had a choice to make. Be the better dancer or the bigger man. So I stepped off the dance floor and made the obvious call. You wanna win over a crowd? Invite a lonely mom to dance. She never saw it coming and neither did he.

You know what I say, I might be coach but I like to travel first class!

Her head sounds like pop rocks.

You win an Oscar. You buy a Golden Globe.

That's different, that was gossip and gossip belongs to everyone.

Mitchell: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cam: Well you did and do you know what the sad thing is? We could be laughing at someone's calf implants right now.

We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.

There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.