The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Carl Carlson Quotes
Marge: Any minute now, he'll scamper through that doggy door.
Homer: Any minute now, I'll be the dog she's lookin' for.
Barney, Moe, Lenny, and Carl: Any minute now, you'll be stuck with her brood.
Patty and Selma: Any minute now, this pooch will know she's screwed.
Marge: My hearts tells me to trust him.
Patty and Selma: But your head knows he's a hound.
Homer: I want to do the right thing.
Moe: Come on! With all this high class tail around?
(Hooker Dog smokes a cigarette, coughs badly)
Fleas: Any minute now, our girl will make a brand new start.
Patty and Selma: Yes!
Marge: Any minute now, I won't care that broke my heart.
Marge and Homer: Annnny minnnute nooooow.
Carl: Yeah, you should always make peace with your loved ones.
Lenny: I think I'll give my ma a call right now. (dials cell phone) Hey Mom, I just wanted you to know that you mean... Yeah, he's here... (looks disappointed, gives phone to Carl)
Carl: Hey, Mrs. L! Those butter cookies you sent, were tasty. And the almond ones, oh! (pause) Aw, I wish I was your son, too. All right, I'm gonna pass you back... Okay, okay, I'll tell him. (closes cell phone) Uh, Moe. Lenny's mom says, she loves you.
(Lenny makes disgusted noise)
Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny!
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
Carl: I still like you.
Fifty-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!
(Marge's sculptures of Lenny and Carl are stuck together)
Lenny: I can't tell where Carl ends and I begin!
Carl: See, it's statements like THAT that make people think we're gay.
Carl: What's wrong Moe?
Moe: I just got this strange feeling Homer's in trouble.
Lenny: That's weird I just got this strange feeling some guy I don't know named Fausto is in trouble.
Moe: Come on we got to save Homer!
Lenny: And Fausto!
Carl: Hey can you fix the sound?
Lenny: And the color?
Moe: And show it in a regular theatre?
Lenny: The flames are heading straight for our flammable district!
Carl: That's where our mom works.
Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.
Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
Moe: Sure.
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)
I can't do it. A balloon saved one of my arteries. It wouldn't seem right to shoot one of his cousins.
What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."
Carl: Why don't we talk about it over at Moe's?
Homer: It's not even noon.
Carl: Yeah, I got a watch, egghead.
