Chandler Bing Quotes
Monica: (Cleaning frantically) Whose little ball of paper is this?
Chandler: Oh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, then I realized I didn't need the note. So I balled it up and now I wish I was dead.
Ross: They want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow. Remember back when life was simpler and she was just a lesbian?
Chandler: Ah, those were the days.
Ross: (About Carol being a lesbian) She didn't know! How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (Everyone turns to stare at him) Did I just say that out loud?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Rachel: Anyone want any coffee?
Chandler: Are you just serving it? Or did you make it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah, I'll have a cup.
Monica: There's nothing to tell. Just some guy I work with.
Joey: Come on. You're going out with the guy. There got to be something wrong with him.
Chandler: Yeah... does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Ross: I don't want to be single. Okay? I just want to be married again.
(Rachel enters the coffee shop wearing in a wedding dress)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars.
Chandler: All right, so I'm back in high school, standing in the middle of the cafeteria and I realize I am totally naked.
Monica: Oh, I've had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down and I realize there is a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of--
Chandler: That's right.
All: Never had that one.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: They weren't looking at you before?
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it. And it turns out it's my mother. Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
Monica: Relax, this is not even a date. It's not. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
(About Rachel cutting up her credit cards) Ya know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
Rachel: Ya know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If I can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
