Favorite Charlie Kelly Quotes

Frank: Well, I figured, you know, cut out the middleman. This way, everybody wins.
Charlie: I don't win.

Mac: Let's order some food and then we can have the delivery guy come and get us out.
Charlie: And we'll get some Chinese food because that's the classiest pool side food you can have.
Mac: Yeah, we probably shouldn't get Chinese because those delivery guys are always Chinese and he's won't understand a word we say and plus he's gonna be too short.
Charlie: Could really go for some Chinese food, though. It's gonna be good.
Mac: But we're not actually eating the food.
Charlie: I'm gonna eat the food, for sure. I'm starving.
Mac: Let me handle it. We're gonna get some pizza. He's gonna be big Italian lug and he's gonna fish us out of here.
Mac: Fish sounds good. See if they have fish there.
Charlie: I'll ask.

Charlie: What's 3D even stand for?
Dee: Third dimension.
Charlie: What dimension are we in?

This is for the rats!

[to Mac] You know what dude, hear me out for a second okay. Now technically, that stain did appear to me. Also I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don't know, I could be, I'm not ruling it out.

Charlie: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.

Charlie: Where's your brother dude?
Liam: We just stepped out of the shower. He'll be down in a minute.
Charlie: Alright li--listen, you guys can't go... did you just say we?
Liam: What?
Charlie: Did you just say we just stepped out of the shower?
Liam: I said "he."

They're third dimension glasses. I don't really think they're working because I'm still seeing things in whatever dimension we live.

Mac: Dennis' mom tried to have sex with me!
Charlie: Interesting...
Mac: Yeah man, she got naked... she came on to me. I mean, that woman is straight crazy, but I think I wanna bang her, man. I know I shouldn't do it...
Charlie: I think you should do it!
Mac: What?
Charlie: Look, an opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime right?
Mac: Right!
Charlie: And so you'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.
Mac: Yeah! That's what I'm thinking! But... it's Dennis' and Dee's Mom...
Charlie: Well that means that no one ever ever is going to find out.
Mac: That doesn't make any sense...
Charlie: It doesn't have to make sense!
Mac: You're right! I'm gonna do it!

Can we talk shrimp for a minute? I'd like the boat to be able to haul a tremendous amount of shrimp. Sort of a forest gump size of shrimp.

Dee: I am not having sex with you, Charlie.
Charlie: No, it's not sex I want from you. It's sex I don't want from Dennis!

I will smash your face into, into a jelly!

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.

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