Charlie Kelly Quotes (Page 11)
Season 2, Episode 8: "The Gang Runs for Office"
Dee: Are those--those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things?
Charlie: Uhhh... no. They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things!
• Rating: Unrated
Dennis: I think you might be dyslexic.
Charlie: Read the script once.
Dennis: Okay, you want me to read the script?
Charlie: Yes.
Dennis: All right.
Charlie: And... action
Dennis: I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot..." What? "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia, so do."
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Mac: [walking up to them] I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thinkin'...and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. I wanna help.
Charlie: What? Wait, wait, so first you wash your hands in politics and now you want back in? That's called flip-flopping, Mac! That's what Democrats do.
Dennis: Hang on a second Charlie, let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.
Mac: Yeah, yeah. Give me a chance...what should I do?
Charlie: "What should I do"? Strike one, buddy.
Dennis: You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.
Mac: All right...ah...check this out. [Goes up to woman pushing her baby in a stroller] Excuse me, hi. I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
Woman: Oh, thank you.
Mac: Yeah, I was wondering, [stopping the stroller from moving] if you wouldn't mind if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.
Woman: Excuse me?
Mac: Yeah...oh. I'm sorry. He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.
Woman: You know, I'd rather not.
Mac: [stopping the stroller again] Yeah, well you know...it's...good for him and it's good for you, so I think you should maybe just give me the baby.
Woman: You know what? Please leave me alone.
Mac: OK, lady. Just give me the baby and I could get it over with as quickly as possible.
Woman: I said no!
Mac: Goddammit, just give me the baby! [tries to unbuckle the baby out of the stroller]
Woman: Somebody help me!
Charlie: This is campaign suicide, dude...
Dennis: Let's get out of here.
• Rating: Unrated
Lady: Are you going to take care of the crime problem here?
Dennis: Absolutely, I say we put them on buses and ship them over to Iraq.. make them fight the terrorists.
Lady: You're very handsome.
Dennis: Thank you ha ha.
Charlie: This is going very, very well man.
Dennis: I know people are really responding to me.
Charlie: They love the bone structure.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 7: " The Gang Exploits a Miracle"
Frank: It could be a miracle, it could be bulls**t. There's one thing we know for sure.
Charlie: What's that?
Frank: It's a god damn goldmine.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: You risk your feet, you get some shoes!
• Rating: Unrated
Mac: You can be my right hand man. You can be my Peter.
Charlie: Oh... okay I'll be your Peter.
Mac: Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like s**t.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: [to Mac] You know what dude, hear me out for a second okay. Now technically, that stain did appear to me. Also I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don't know, I could be, I'm not ruling it out.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 6: "The Gang Gives Back "
Waitress: I wrote down my phone number.
Charlie: Wow!
Waitress: Please... please, Charlie, please don't make me regret giving this to you.
(The waitress hands a folded piece of paper to Charlie)
Charlie: No absolu... absolutely not. No, this will be a platonic sponsor, sponsoree kind of a thing. (He unfolds the piece of paper) Oh... no shi... I was so close.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 150
