Charlie Kelly Quotes (Page 10)
Season 5, Episode 12: "The Gang Reignites the Rivalry"
Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 10: "Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad"
Charlie: Did you send him a friend request?
Frank: I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Mac: Then we promise that we will come back with our butts filled.
Charlie: So filled! So filled for you!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Mac: Do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
Charlie: Dude, I don't want to shove anything in my ass!
Mac: All right! This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are, and not have to shove anything up our asses!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 9: "Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass"
Dee: Where is your breath?
Charlie: In my mouth?
Dee: No, no. It starts in your chest. You got to focus on your diaphragm.
Charlie: What the hell's a diaphragm?
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: You know what? Let me kick down a little thing to you that our founding fathers kicked down to me. It goes don't tread on me. And right now, you guy's are treading all over me!
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: I am done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.
Dennis: Well, that's why we call it Charlie work.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna to kick a little ass, I'm gonna to kick some ass in the U.S.A., gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some ass, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass. ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 8: "The Gang Runs for Office"
Dennis: What's the note say?
Charlie: All right, yeah. All right, uh, "meet." It starts out "meet" and then there's, like, other stuff.
Dennis: "Meet me in the parking garage, Frank."
Charlie: Yeah?
Dennis: Yeah. You clearly have a learning disability, dude.
• Rating: Unrated
Dennis: Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's going to blast me in the a** or the Republican who's blasting my a**?
Mac: See politics is all just one big a**-blast.
Dennis: It's a coast to coast,...
Charlie: You're going to get you're a**-blasted.
Dennis: ...nationwide a**-blasting.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 150