(Finding out Carol/Cheryl and Cyril had sex)
Pam: (luaghing) Oh My God hahaha! You two banged?
Cyril: See, here's the thing...um..uh...well..FRUIT BASKET!! (THrows basket at the girls and runs out)
Pam: (to Carol) Wow. You are just a dog in a manger aren't you?
Cheryl: (snarky) I don't know what that means Pam. I wasn't raised on a cheese farm..
Pam: OH FOR THE LOVE OF...(glaring at Carol) It's called a Dairy

No no no no, like a big sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think, yeah, ok he's going to give me mouth to mouth. Instead, he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation you feel before you die, is that he's squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just, plurp, falls right onto your popped out eye ball.

Cheryl: Beep beep beep.
Pam: Oh, your giving me the truck noise, Karen Carpenter stunt double?
Cheryl: I'm sorry, I thought you were walking backwards.

Cheryl: It's Carol.
Archer: What? Since when?
Cheryl: Since I had it legally changed because you always call me Carol.
Archer: Wow, that's... excuse us.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?