This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Neil: Is this a nut free counter?
Chris: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.

Chris: It's made of skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home?
Lois: Yeah, I'd like that.

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Chris: Mom, is dad gonna die?
Lois: Well Brian's the one with the brain tumor.

Stewie: Here. I'll quiz you. Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"?
Chris: Scooby Doo
Stewie: No
Chris: Shaggy
Stewie: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

I'm gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.

I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!