Chris: Somebody say my name.

Jerry: Chris.

Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?

Jerry: You told me to say your name.

Chris: And you did a great job superstar.

Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.

Chris: Ann Perkins you really know your testes!
Ann: ...thank you?

Chris: I want to apologize to all the women and Jerry. If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would.
April: Wow, that is so sweet.
Chris: Thank you.

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

You're beautiful! On the inside... where your spirit lives.

Chris: Now how big is the park, exactly?
Leslie: It is .000003 square miles.

Chris: Rethink our visual brand, take these words, and make something amazing!
Tom: So you're saying you want me to choose a new font?
Chris: Yes, essentially I'd like you to choose a new font.

And then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.

The world's my gymnasium Ron!

Chris: I'm engrossed in this book. It's the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel.
April: That's impossible.
Chris: Oh she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story.
April: Cool.

I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron