Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

I couldn't be more relaxed if I was in a coma.

Let's review. She's been moody, eating weird food, getting nauseous. She left in the middle of the night for a wedding chapel in Vegas with her secret love, and most suspicious of all, she bought a book!

Claire: Phil, honey, when I’m not home I need you to be present and keep track of everyone.
Phil: Sounds good. Love you too.

Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Oh c'mon please, my dad is Ms. Dunphy, I'm just Claire!

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Haley [smells pot]: Hey! Smells like a party!
Claire: Back inside.
Haley: Ok.

I know you think you discovered the new you, but you're controlling even when you're trying to not be controlling.

Mitchell [to Claire]

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.