Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Cleveland Brown Quotes
Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?
Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys! Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!
Cleveland: Quagmire. You forgot to say "oh".
Quagmire: You sure? I think I did... Well, just to be safe. Oh!
Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
Peter: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period!
Joe: Peter, shut up! It's 3 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out here?
Quagmire: Dammit! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying she's a woman! Yay!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!
(Joe introduces his new friends)
Joe: I'm taking my new friends. This is Parker, Quentin, and Portland.
Cleveland: Is Portland the black one?
Joe: Portland is the black one.
Cleveland: Wow, thanks, Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: Everybody gets one. (to Peter) Tell 'em, Peter.
Peter: (to Cleveland) Uh, apparently, everybody gets one.
Spider-Man: Bingo! (shoots web string and swings off)
You're the white version of a black guy that's not good with his money
Cleveland: Look at all the damage!
Peter: Thank God the open air debris garden is still intact
Cleveland: Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money.
Peter: Well, I guess not the retarded ones, but why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's "edgey", and then there's "offensive."
[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
