Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkDean Venture Quotes
Hank: I'm outta here! I'm not gonna play second... banana-fiddle to some stupid old baby.
Dean: Well not me! I'm staying right here. I'll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she'll hear like, thunder or something, and, and she'll run into my room all scared and stuff, and I'll be like, 'hush my darling, it's just ionized air molecules expanding'. And she'll be like, 'oh, hold me', and I'll like...
Hank: Dude! If we stay here that means we'll be Dr. Orpheus' kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.
Dean: Huh. I never thought of that. [he stands up] Alright, I'm with you!
The Monarch: What's your name?
Dean: Dean Ven-
The Monarch: Your name is bitch!! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole god drilled in your slender frame...King Gorilla! You got a cigarette? There. I just sold you for a cigarette. And I don't smoke! (double take) Holy s***! You're Dean f***ing Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back. H-here's your cigarette.
King Gorilla: F*** you, gimme a dollar
Hank: I can't believe we have a new baby uncle. Every Christmas he's probably gonna give us a Jovan Musk gift pack. And we'll have to pretend he's not all creepy looking. Aww, I bet we're gonna have to kiss him!
Dean: Right? Dude, did you shake his hand? It was like shaking hands with a chicken dinner
Monarch: Well, Hank...what's it like to be a... liar?!? Huh? You like being a liar, with pants constantly on fire?!
Tiny Attorney: Objection, your Honor! Leadin'.
Monarch: I'll rephrase that. Hank, are you a liar?
Hank: No sir, I don't think so.
Monarch: Yes you are!
Dean: You're the liar!
Monarch: And may I remind you that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
Dean: Saliva is nature's glue.
Hank: And raisins are nature's candy!
Brock: The Guild works clean, professional. It's surgical with them. In a way, they're the only organization I still respect.
Hank: And they kill clean. Don't let dames get in the way.
Brock: Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read.
Dean: It's weird, right?
Brock: It's like he channels dead crazy people!
Hank: You... think it's a cry for help?
Brock: The Freeze Team! Down on the floor and hold your breath!
Dean: There's pee-pee on the floor!
Brock: I told you to hold your breath!
Hank: You see dead guys all the time.
Dean: When?
Hank: Dude, just last week Brock killed two dervishes with a pillowcase full of coats. Right in our bedroom!
Dean: He knocked them out!
Hank: Oh, sing yourself another lullaby, Baby Dean. The police took them away in body bags!
Dean: Sleeping bags! Those were sleeping bags!
Hank: So, how come you're not old and stuff like the others?
Otto: Oh, but I am. I'm half-Atlantean and so I age differently.
Dean: Wow. How do you get to be like that?
Action Man: A drunk sailor's gotta have his way with your mer-mom
Do you have to shave it? I just grew those...
Dean: My... no-nos hurt!
Monarch: What the hell are "no-nos."
Dr. Venture: That's the super-adult term my teenage sons use to refer to their genitals. In public. In front of their father
Billy Quizboy: You should be good as new, maybe even better - I hooked you up with the "complete package," if you know what I mean.
Dean: I don't.
