Dennis: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your very eyes.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.

And the second great thing for you is I'm not gonna beat the shit out of you.

Dee: So I shouldn't give up on my dream?
Teacher: You must give up on your dream, it's far too late for you.

Dee: Where's that inspirational man?
Teacher: My enthusiasm in those days was fueled entirely by the alcohol.

Charlie: You want to toss some inspiration my way? Cause the guys think Schmitty is all that and I'm no good.
Dee: Okay, Charlie, how about this? You are really good at cleaning shit out of toilets, and taking trash and throwing it into dumpsters. So why don't you get a new job somewhere else doing those things and make friends there?
Charlie: Are you telling me to get a job here as the janitor and you and I can be best friends?
Dee: That is absolutely not what I'm saying.
Charlie: I'm gonna go talk to the principal and see if I can get that job and then we'll work on the friendship thing.

Dee: Did you get that orange out of the garbage?
Charlie: I sure did. Can you believe that? Someone threw this away? Perfectly good orange. They were digging at it a little bit and must have given up on it.
Dee: Don't eat trash, Charlie.
Charlie: I'll eat what I want to eat.

Charlie: It's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands. Mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are reaaly more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

Charlie: Dee, if I go to a movie or a spaghetti place with you, out there I'm the rat.
Dee: What if I guarantee no one out there will put you into a bag and bash you against a telephone pole? Would that comfort you at all?
Charlie: No, that's a guarantee you can't make, Dee.

Charlie: What's 3D even stand for?
Dee: Third dimension.
Charlie: What dimension are we in?

Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.

Dee: Who slams a door?
Frank: Babies.
Dennis: That guy has some real growing up to do. Have some repect for Christ's sake... I am legend.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.