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Wilson: Oh, sand art! I used to love this stuff!
House: He's bitter, not mentally handicapped.

House: Short man equals bullied child.
Taub: I was never bullied.
Dr. Adams: Until now.

While having you juggle my jewels sounds interesting, there's no such thing as friends with benefits. It always gets weird.

Ignore her. She's on acid.

If it isn't the old ball and Ukraine.

No wonder you think women are so great. You've practically been one for the last three years.

Park: Amy Grant?
House: I know. But there's a hot girl jumping around in my living room.

This is what men do for the women they pretend to love.

Evolution doesn't work that way. You can't talk legs onto a fish.

Pains me to interrupt this collegial banter. Pains me even more to listen to it continue.

If I wanted you to be like me, I'd urge you to make a stupid, stubborn mistake that blows up your life and leaves you lonely and miserable.

Chase: She's throwing her life away based on blind faith!
House: So are you!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 552 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.