Popular Edie Britt Quotes
Edie: I don't think Mike would do that to his own son.
Susan: You know?
Edie: That Mike's Zach's real father? Yes. Julie told Karl, Karl told me and I sent out a few e-mails.
Susan: Well, thanks for your discretion.
Edie: Boy. You would do anything to get Mike Delfino to love you. So what's gonna happen to little creepy when he gets here? Are you gonna be tucking him in at night? Making him breakfast in the morning? Careful to bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?
Susan: You know, Edie, could you just back off? I mean the truth is we're probably never gonna find Zach, anyway. It's a needle in a haystack.
Edie: Oh, I see, and then you'll still come off as little Miss Perfect self-sacrificing girlfriend. Putting his needs ahead of yours. Oh, why you conniving little shrew. I don't know why we're not closer.
(To Susan about Zach) So what's going to happen to little creepy when he gets here?
Bree: Well, I have some good news. The police have finally released Rex's body.
Gabrielle: About time.
Susan: You must be so relieved.
Bree: You know, mostly I'm just annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean, how in the world could anybody accuse me of murder?
Edie: Well, you are wound pretty tight. (everyone looks at her) What? The supermom is always first to snap. They've done studies.
Bree: My husband, the man I spent my life with for eighteen years, died thinking that I murdered him!
Susan: What?
Bree: Yes, the cardiologist shared this moronic theory with Rex and Rex believed him!
Gabrielle: Are you sure?
Bree: Yes, because he left a note. And it said, and I quote, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you." I spent eighteen years of my life with this man. How could he not know me?
Edie: Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else.
Bree: I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of God, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke's on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!
(to Betty about the mailman) Well, he was great, but then he had this stroke, and now we're lucky if he doesn't drool all over the coupons.
Ida: What's going on?
Edie: Oh, Mayer thinks Paul Young murdered Martha Huber.
Ida: Oh my God, I live right behind him.
Alberta: I know, I gave him my keys so he could feed my cat.
(pause)
Edie: I win. I made out with him.
Well, someone might as well say it... Susan what the hell have you been smoking?
Susan. Why are you so eerily calm? Mike Delfino just dumped you. The Susan Mayer I know would be a blubbering mess right now. Oh, come on, trot her on out. She's fun to watch.
Susan (standing in front of her garage with the word "whore" spray-painted on): Hello, Edie. Do you have something you'd like to say?
Edie: No, that pretty much says it all.
Edie: What do you guys think about the Applewhites?
Susan: I like 'em, very nice, very...
Bree: Interesting.
Susan: Right! Interesting!
Edie: Hmm, they weird me out too.
Edie: (referring to Betty's friendliness) I don't trust friendly women.
Lynette: That's okay, they don't trust you either.
Oh God, look at all these things, all these beautiful things that my ex-husbands worked so hard for, burnt to a crisp
