Elliot Reid Quotes
Elliot: Mrs. Peele, even though Dr. Turk is currently incapacitated by his cherry-flavored beverage, he is a fantastic surgeon-
Turk: Uh-huh.
Elliot: ...and he didn't find anything. And I am a great doctor-
Turk: Ehhh.
Carla, I don't photograph well. On my driver's license, I look like Gary Busey.
Elliot: My high school boyfriend's an accountant now, and he still does my taxes for free.
Jordan: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.
Dr. Kelso: My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism and he has a new gimp named Barry. Or is it Larry? At my age, it's getting harder and harder to keep track of his gimps.
Elliot: I don't know why I even bother ovulating. Little Haley doesn't have a chance this month... I name my eggs - big frick. Last month it was "Cassy."
J.D.: Ooh, "Cassy"'s pretty.
Elliot: Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.
Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
Carla: I'm ready.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!
Turk: And vagina is?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also Vajingo or Hoo-Hoo.
Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.
Elliot: You can talk to me if you want?
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex - I don't understand any of that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is "schwing"-something...
Elliot: "Schwing-schwong," "peepers," or "peep."
Turk: And vagina?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also "bagingo" and "ho-ho"
Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.
Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm is a much worse consequence of sex.
Elliot: Turk! Just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it. Don't you get it? Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.
Turk: Elliot, I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby is the worst possible consequence of sex.
Elliot: Uh, what's with the second beeper?
Turk: Carla gave it to me. She's got me on 24-hour baby-making alert. Man, we haven't had sex since her last ovulation. Did you know that women only do that once a month?
J.D.: Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.
J.D.'s narration: Once a month? That's crazy!
Stop or I'll turn this church around!
