Emily Gilmore Quotes
Emily: Explain this to me right now, Lorelai!
Lorelai: My back hurts. (burrows down in the couch and sticks her lip out)
Emily: (about Dean) What do you know about this boy?
Lorelai: Well, I know Rory likes him, and his parole officer has high hopes for his rehabilitation.
Emily: Does he drink?
Lorelai: Like a fish!
Emily: "We're in here", that's how you answer the door?
Lorelai: Well, I was all out of Saran wrap.
Emily: I don't even want to try to figure that one out.
Emily: If she doesn't want to go [to the Chilton dance], then it must be because of something you said.
Lorelai: Mom, I promise, all I ever said to her about dances is that you go, you dance, you have punch, you eat, you take a picture, and then you get auctioned off to a biker gang from Sausalito.
Emily: Lorelai, I have watched you do a lot of stupid things, and I have held my tongue.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: But I am not going to just stand back and watch you let that girl ruin her life.
Lorelai: Mom, back off.
Emily: She's going to get pregnant.
Lorelai: No she's not.
Emily: She's going to ruin everything, just like you ruined everything.
Lorelai: No she's not, no she's not, no she's NOT! Rory is a good kid, Mom--she's not me!
Emily: (on the phone) No, I won't be coming home tonight.
(Lorelai groans)
Emily: (speaking to Lorelai) Was that a pain?
Lorelai: Yes, a big one.
Emily: There you are!
Rory: I think the phones went dead.
Emily: It's probably just this horrible storm. You must come downstairs immediately.
Rory: What's wrong?
Emily: (Says in a serious, panicked tone) The stove is buzzing!
Rory: It's just the timer, Grandma.
Emily: I know it's the timer, Rory. What I don't know is where it's located or how to turn it off!
Rory: But I really need to call Lane back.
Emily: There's nothing you can do now, the phones will come back on eventually, now please come downstairs and help me stop the buzzing!
Rory: But-
Richard: (calls from downstairs) Emily, for Heaven's sake, get down here!
Rory: Okay.
Emily: (talking to Lorelai over the phone) Have you seen the news?
Lorelai: Ever?
Emily: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.
Lorelai: Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark, you get the animals.
Emily: Well I just don't understand why you waited so late to call! Are you sure? Fine! Alright, yes! Goodbye (hangs up the phone).
Richard: What's the problem, Emily?
Emily: The problem is, that apparently Florence could not get here because of the storm.
Richard: Florence?
Emily: Our cook.
Richard: Ah. Well, we'll just have to go out then.
Emily: Please, Richard pay attention. We can't go out, it's miserable out there.
Richard: Well we'll figure something out dear.
Emily: What?! What will we figure out? I hate the damn snow!
Richard: Emily, calm down.
Emily: This is a serious problem. These Friday night dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.
Richard: (Calls out to Rory who's sitting in the dining room) Rory? Are you in any way malnurished or in need of some international relief organization to recrute a celebrity to raise money on your account?
Rory: I'm good.
Richard: She's good, Emily.
Emily: Your sense of humor rears its ugly head at the oddest of times, Richard.
Richard: I'm not the mastermind behind some great scheme to spoil your dinner plans and I don't care to be treated as such.
Emily: So you're fine with having no dinner tonight, is that it?
Richard: I certainly am not.
Rory: (enters from the dining room) How 'bout I check the fridge? I'm sure there's something in there we could whip up.
Emily: Whip up? (says it like it's a new concept)
Rory: Yeah, come on. It'll be fun, I promise.
Emily: Well come on Mr.-We'll-Figure-It-Out! (they're all standing in front of the refridgerator) Nothing!
Richard: Not a blessed thing.
Rory: There's frozen pizza!
Emily: How in the world did that get there?
Rory: Maybe you bought it and forgot about it.
Emily: I have never bought frozen pizza, it must belong to Anna.
Richard: The maid?
Emily: Yes.
Richard: Ah, got one!
Emily: (Rory pulls the pizza out) What are you doing?
Rory: I'm gonna make it.
Emily: Oh Rory, you're not serious.
Richard: That hardly looks like dinner.
Emily: I agree. Rory, that's food you eat a carnival, or in a Turkish prison.
Rory: I promise you're gonna love it.
Emily: But-
Rory: Listen. Just leave it up to me. You guys go back into the living room and I'll call you when it's ready. (Emily and Richard both give in and get ready to leave) Hey Grandma.
Emily: (she and Richard both turn around) Yes?
Rory: What are the odds of you knowing where a cookie sheet would be?
Richard: I'd say very slim (Emily gives him a death glare).
Rory: Okay, never mind. I'll find it.
Emily: (looks at Richard before they leave) Very slim? Thank you for that.
Rory: You know what? It's really good if you add some extra parmesan. This is mom's special trick. Frozen pizza is a staple at our house. Mom has become a major doctoring genius. She'll put anything on it. One time, Sookie came and brought us some foie gras and mom stuck it on a pizza.
Emily: How was it?
Rory: Pretty good once we took the foie gras off.
Emily: This Patricia --
Lorelai: Miss Patty.
Emily: She teaches dance?
Lorelai: Among other things.
Emily: And this man with the ice.
Lorelai: Luke.
Emily: How long have you been seeing him?
Lorelai: Luke? I'm not seeing Luke. He's just a friend.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Lorelai: Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee, nothing else.
Emily: He seems to like you.
Lorelai: And you're judging this by what?
Emily: By the way he looked at you.
Lorelai: Which is how?
Emily: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
Lorelai: Mom, he did not look at me like that.
Emily: You're pleased.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: You smiled. You're pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.
Lorelai: I'm smiling because you're crazy and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm.
