Allison, I have the answer to all your problems, except your stretch marks and screechy voice...damn, we must have gotten disconnected.

Jack: Woh, deja vu
Gary: It's not deja vu, it's the fifth time you walked into the room!

Gary: Are you okay?
Tom: No I'm not okay, my heart is beating so fast my tie is moving

Gary: Hey son, when are you leaving for the big dance?
Tom: As soon as cowzilla rips the roof off and plucks me out

Allison: I have to deposit these; can you stop writing "this is a holdup" on the memo line?
Gary: Come on, it got you on the news!

Gary: What are you talking about? I put everything they had into their backpacks, what did I forget?
Allison: Their backpacks!

Allison: I got a speeding ticket on the way over here.
Gary: You got a speeding ticket? What happened, couldn't your two lady friends get you out of it?!
Allison: Gary, I'm not going to sink to that level.
Gary: Why not? They have!

Second Life, huh? That looks pretty cool. You know when I was a kid, we didn't have anything like that. No, we had outside

Hey kids throw away your books, get rid of your toothbrushes you're with Dad now.

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