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George Sr.: Don't get involved. Believe me, when I thought your first wife was driving us apart, I did not make a stink.
Michael: You complained all the time, and she was my only wife. And she died.
George Sr.: Yeah, well. See, things have a way of working themselves out.

(about Lucille) Sounds tense. That means she's not getting any from my brother Oscar.

Lucille: You smell like a pine cone.
George Sr.: (disguised as Oscar) Yeah, that's the weed. I went to my, uh, *BEEP*hole trailer and, uh, I smoked some... Like a cigarette.

George Sr.: Hey, by the way, I broke this thing. What the hell is it, anyway?
Michael: That's a breast pump, dad.
George Sr.: Oh, well, I did not use it for that.

Michael: Why'd you have to come back here in the first place?
George Sr.: Oh, no reason. Your mother happens to be just shtupping my brother, that's all.

George Michael: It's the girl who ripped my heart out. The girl whose face will always be etched in my mind.
George Sr.: Her?
George Michael: She's really funny.
George Sr.: Well let's hope so.

Michael: I might not be the best witness either. I got a phone call from Kitty this morning.
Barry: Your secretary?
George Sr.: My secretary.
Michael: She says that she's got some evidence, and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.
Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it."

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.

George Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael: Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

George Sr.: Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be safe in IRAs.
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir.
George Sr.: Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be safe in Ira's.

Narrator: And Michael tried to find the money the accountant said was missing.
George Sr.: I don't know. I probably stole it. I mean, if he says it's missing, it is. Unless he stole it. Hey, maybe he stole it.
Michael: He's the one who said it's missing.
George Sr.: Yeah, I probably stole it.

George Sr.: What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty. First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power.
Michael: I do, and I had to... She's crazy.
George Sr.: Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 86 in total

Arrested Development Quotes

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom