George Sr.: Don't get involved. Believe me, when I thought your first wife was driving us apart, I did not make a stink.
Michael: You complained all the time, and she was my only wife. And she died.
George Sr.: Yeah, well. See, things have a way of working themselves out.

(about Lucille) Sounds tense. That means she's not getting any from my brother Oscar.

Lucille: You smell like a pine cone.
George Sr.: (disguised as Oscar) Yeah, that's the weed. I went to my, uh, *BEEP*hole trailer and, uh, I smoked some... Like a cigarette.

George Sr.: Hey, by the way, I broke this thing. What the hell is it, anyway?
Michael: That's a breast pump, dad.
George Sr.: Oh, well, I did not use it for that.

Michael: Why'd you have to come back here in the first place?
George Sr.: Oh, no reason. Your mother happens to be just shtupping my brother, that's all.

George Michael: It's the girl who ripped my heart out. The girl whose face will always be etched in my mind.
George Sr.: Her?
George Michael: She's really funny.
George Sr.: Well let's hope so.

Michael: I might not be the best witness either. I got a phone call from Kitty this morning.
Barry: Your secretary?
George Sr.: My secretary.
Michael: She says that she's got some evidence, and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.
Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it."

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.

George Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael: Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.

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