Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.

Bobby: You need to go hit it and quit it.
Andy: Toot it and boot it.
Laurie: Whip it and skip it.
Bobby: Wax it and tax it.
Andy: Mother it and smother it.
Laurie: Bop it and drop it.
Grayson: Chuck it and ... re-chuck it.
Laurie: Yours don't make any sense.

Jules: Grayson and I are like pools - we're still just sticking our toes in each other. Grossest thing I ever said.
Grayson: I'm gonna go throw up.

Jules: Wine in the morning on the weekends. Lets all think about it people.
Bobby: Think about what?
Grayson: Morning drinking.

Jules: All together now -
Everyone: If it's on the internet, it must be true!
Jules: Exactly now, everyone sip please.
Travis: Afternoon booze bags. What are we celebrating now?
Jules: Science.

Grayson: Wow! That was insane. He was literally sitting on my face!
Jules: He's never had much feeling in his butt.

Jules: Whinny baby say what?
Grayson: What?

Grayson: When women get older, it's icky. When men get older, it's adorable. It's my favorite double standard.
Jules: Yeah, I'm not a huge fan.

Oh god, I have heart burn in my brain.

Grayson: Why do you keep doing this if you know I hate it?
Jules: You just answered your own question.

Grayson: I almost killed a lizard.
Jules: Oh great story.
Grayson: Thanks I worked on it.
Jules: Yeah go sit down. I'm making popcorn.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time