Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkHank Venture Quotes
Dean: Hank, I had my pubes shaved! I'm going to put them under my pillow for the Tooth Fairy.
Hank: Did the doctor see that creepy dog-dork?
Dr. Venture: Hank, don't brag to your brother about his circumcision
Hank: I never met my grandfather. I never even met my mom.
The Monarch: Hank... what would you say if I told you that your mother was someone you've met before?
Hank: What?
The Monarch: And what if I told you that your father is not your real father? Hank... Hank! I am your real father!
Hank: No way. No way, that's not true!
The Monarch: Psych! Hahaha, you were all, "Oh, daddy, you're my daddy!" You are so gullible, what is that like?!
Hank: Brock your training starts now! [gives Brock a glass of raw eggs] When I'm through with you you're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!
Dean: Looks more like he's gonna eat eggs and crap....eggs
Hank: Hey Brock, how would you [kill me]?
Brock: You're asleep. Quick jerk of the neck. Never feel a thing.
Hank: You've thought about this.
Brock: Yes I have
Hank: Nice spyclothes, douche
Dean: What? I didn't have any black, I figured cowboy - next best thing to spies, right? [
Hank: Dude, what is with you!? Why are you so calm about this?!?
Dean: Because, Hank, we're not just any poor suckers, we're the Venture Brothers. Our dad's a super genius, with, like, chemistry stuff. He can fix this no prob.
Brock: Dean, we don't even know where your dad is. He's sequestered in some secret think tank, and this is, well, this is kinda outta his league, honestly...
Dean: We're all gonna die!
Brock: Focus, Hank! Whatever you do, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles.
Hank: Brock, I don't smoke!
Brock: Good. Now's a lousy time to start
Brock: After the twist, you'll hear a snap. Then the body goes ragdoll on ya.
Hank: And that will knock him out...even more?
Brock: That'll kill him
Hank: Do I have to?
Brock: Alright fine, crybaby. Just tie him up and, maybe I guess gag him. But at the first sign of trouble I want you to at least break both his knees
Brock: Hank, if there was ever a time in your life I needed you not to be Hank, it's now.
Hank: Uh, sorry, Brock
Dr. Orpheus: Do you have a pen, Hank?
Hank: To use as a magic wand?
Dr. Orpheus: To use..as a pen, Hank
Brock: I want you to put your hand around your throat, Hank.
Hank: Uhh...all right.
Brock: That tube you feel is your trachea, think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember - grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back.
Hank: Grab the handle, push the [choaks]
Brock: Let go of your own throat, Hank
Brock: Look, Hank, I have memories attached to that record. Could we drop this please?
Hank: Is it because you killed a whole bunch of ninjas when it was playing, so now it reminds you of ninja?
Brock: No.
Hank: Frogmen? Does it remind you of frogmen?
Brock: No!
Hank: A team of mutated half-dog, half-man...
Brock: It's a woman! The only woman I ever loved. Ya happy now?
Hank: No. Because you snapped at me
