Herb: My marriage isnt over yet
Chris: Duuudee....you've been takin out the garbage for two and a half hours

Alan: How's the pediatrician game?
Herb: Like taking money from babies.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.

Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.

Charlie