Herb: My marriage isnt over yet
Chris: Duuudee....you've been takin out the garbage for two and a half hours

Alan: How's the pediatrician game?
Herb: Like taking money from babies.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Alan: What's the forecast?
Charlie: High tonight, low tomorrow, 100% chance of hangover.

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.