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Family-guy

If I gave you a sandwich, could you get Chris to fart on it?

Oh, hey there Chris! Happy Valentine's Day! Hope Cupid brings you a saggy old bag of treats!

Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!
Herbert: What? No!

Chris: A sister! Who is it?
Herbert: Who do you think it is? Who's the only goddamn woman in the galaxy?
Chris: Leia...

You know Chris, all my life, I've wanted to see you locked in a basement. But now that it's happened, all I want to do is get you out!

Look. Everyone but Chris, keep your pants on and we'll find a way out of this.

Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you.
Herbert: Well, no offense to you Meg, but you're a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for YOU.

Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis

Herbert: Well OshKosh B'gosh, it's a brand new paperboy. That's a mighty full sack you're carrying.
Stewie: Piss off you perverted old freak.
Herbert: Oh, we got a fighter.

Herbert (Obi-Wan): My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship.
Peter (Han): Well, you're in luck! I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon, and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.

Herbert (Obi-Wan): Mos Eisley spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Cleveland (R2-D2): My sister Regina-D2 lives here.
Quagmire (C-3PO): Is she single?
Cleveland (R2-D2): She's a lez-bot.

Peter (Han): Strap yourselves in. We're going to hyperspace.
Herbert (Obi-Wan): Did he say "strap-in" or "strap-on"?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 21 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!

Peter
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