Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Mitchell: This is how Cam's dad sees me, like some fawning damsel.
Jay: If anything, Cam's the damsel.
Mitchell: Dad! Thanks.

Back in Vietnam I had Hepatitis, still managed to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 300 soldiers. I think I can handle sauce.

Mitchell: You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette.
Claire: Maybe this time you won't tell on me.

Wait they're allowed up there? They're wearing dungarees!

Nice robe, like Hef back in the day. I'm gonna cut to the chase. I like your lifestyle, I want a taste of it.

Hey luxury bathroom, it's me lowly closet. Watch your back.

You know what a lot of girls don't do? Guys who take ceramics.

Trust me, when I get done talking to her not only will she have confessed to the crime, I might even sell her a closet.

Gloria: Some people you turn your back for one second and they have another family from the bad side of town.
Jay: You ARE my other family from the bad side of town.

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