You're not working for the rolo-dex stealing Earl Chambers!

All I wanted was to bribe my way into that school by making cubbies that stuff didn't fall out of.

It would kill me if I thought that what I felt would hold you back from getting something that you wanted.

I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

The family needs a leader, and I can't do it forever. You can handle it.

The minute they got rid of rotary phones, everything went to hell.

How'd you get in my phone? Does this mean that when we talked the other day, you knew I was in the can?

Lot of attitude from a guy whose date is a tub of ice cream and a fuzzy robe. You're spending Valentine's Day in a Cathy comic.

As loud as these 2 are, they move like cats.

Whats next you're gonna dress her in fishnets? Put her in a window in Amsterdam? Just keep it casual!

This is a place of business. She needs to throw a tarp over those bounce houses.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy