J.D. Quotes
Gotta find an improv class that doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.
J.D.'s Narration: I hope I can find a way to connect with him.
(J.D. catches an urn before it falls to the floor)
Janitor: Thanks for saving that - that's one of my favorite pieces.
J.D.: You're welcome, friend!
J.D.: When is this joyous occasion?
Dr. Cox: You're not invited.
J.D.: Oh, I see. Family only, everyone! That's how they're doin' it.
Carla: I'm going.
Elliot: I don't know why I even bother ovulating. Little Haley doesn't have a chance this month... I name my eggs - big frick. Last month it was "Cassy."
J.D.: Ooh, "Cassy"'s pretty.
Elliot: Oh, she would have been, J.D. She would have been.
Turk: Ahhh! Sex time, people!
J.D.: He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex. His wife's throwing her legs up in the air, because they're trying for a boy - like Jesus!
Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway, and I'd always kick his ass.
J.D.: Can Christians say "ass" now? I have a friend - Pat Casey - he called his mom an ass once? She hit him in the face with an iron! He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.
J.D.: Hi, I'm J.D. I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.
Paige: Noo...
J.D.: Nothing about taking a talented go-getter under his wing? Or being surrogate father to a boy who's lost his own? Nothing about that at all? I'm surprised, it's interesting to me, but okay.
J.D.'s narration: Don't cry in front of people.
Paige: Perry and I don't talk much.
J.D.: Oh, they don't talk much, everybody! There's no talking in the family.
Dr. Cox: Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night about all the big and tiny things that matter most to me - the big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer, and the resurgence of the hard-shelled taco; the small-
Paige(Imitating): The small being my ex-wife, Jordan, wind energy, and a-ha-hall fruit-infused liquors - your name still would not have come up.
Elliot: Uh, what's with the second beeper?
Turk: Carla gave it to me. She's got me on 24-hour baby-making alert. Man, we haven't had sex since her last ovulation. Did you know that women only do that once a month?
J.D.: Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.
J.D.'s narration: Once a month? That's crazy!
J.D.: Dr. Cox! If it makes you feel any better, at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.
Dr. Cox: Yeah. You're not going.
J.D.: Dammit! Stupid baptism.
J.D.'s Narration: Now that I'm on the lam, I thought about two things. One, what my prison name would be...
J.D.: Gizmo!
J.D.: I'll do it.
Janitor: I knew you would, you're very predictable.
J.D. & Janitor: No I'm not.
J.D. & Janitor: Stop doing that!
J.D. & Janitor: Peanutbutter egg dirt.
J.D.: Long story short, after confirming it with my bunk-mates, that counselor and his "friendship lotion" were transferred out of our cabin and we never spoke about it again.
Janitor: Well, "what doesn't kill ya..."
J.D.'s Narration: We're as thick as two thieves in a pod!
