Favorite Jeff Winger Quotes
Abed: Do you like Britta?
Jeff: Sure, who doesn't?
Abed: Over half the people that meet her.
Sorry, I was raised on TV. I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50 is a mentor of some kind.
Pierce: You guys think I'm some sort of a joke!
Jeff: This isn't disproving the theory
Abed: Everyone be perfectly sincere. Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.
Jeff: Wow. Somewhere out there Tim Burton just got a boner.
I got a B on my nutrition final, and I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony.
I can't say no to those big doe eyes. It's like strangling a mermaid with a bike chain.
Annie: There's a conspiracy here. A dark, vast conspiracy that just may that go all the way to the top.
Jeff: This is Greendale, Annie. If there is a conspiracy, it goes to slightly above the middle.
Jeff: You're just as selfish as I am. You're just not as good at it yet.
Annie: You're right. I could never be as good as you. Probably because I actually care.
Jeff: Profound, but technically meaningless
Britta: You're just doing all this because you want to have sex with me, you don't even want to be my friend
Jeff: Wait a minute. Is that what you thought I meant? Britta, look at me
Britta: I am
Jeff: No, look how handsome my face is. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it from plenty of women without having to go through all this crap. I'm here because I like you and I'd be psyched to be your friend. I just didn't want to take sex off the table without doing my due diligence
Jeff: You're pathological.
Annie: It's too late for flattery.
Jeff: You did seem less into integrity the day that I convinced 12 of your peers that the day you made a U-turn on the freeway and tried to order chalupas from the emergency call box, that your only real crime was loving America.
Professor Duncan: Well, I do love America. I love it very much. I love chalupas.
As long as you're happy...I'm unsettled.
