Popular Jeff Winger Quotes
Jeff: So I guess the cell phone number you put on the study group contact sheet was fake, which I just learned in the awkward conclusion of a month long text message affair with a dude from boulder
Britta: Sorry
Jeff: That's okay, just give me your real number and I'll cleanse my pallet while Kevin rethinks his marriage
If I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book on a piece of paper, that's practically learning for God's sake
Britta: I'm not gonna sit while some hokey tribunal gets its jollies judging me.
Jeff: Hey, if you show up with me, follow my lead, and deny everything, you'll walk. That's the Winger guarantee.
Britta: I get it. You think you're gonna save my bacon using your lawyer powers and send me into fits of grateful arousal.
Jeff: I can neither confirm nor deny that. See how good I am?
Britta: You're just doing all this because you want to have sex with me, you don't even want to be my friend
Jeff: Wait a minute. Is that what you thought I meant? Britta, look at me
Britta: I am
Jeff: No, look how handsome my face is. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it from plenty of women without having to go through all this crap. I'm here because I like you and I'd be psyched to be your friend. I just didn't want to take sex off the table without doing my due diligence
Jeff: Everyone on this campus is nuts
Leonard [in pool]: Not me!
Jeff: Oh come on Leonard, if you're going to argue with me, put on a bathing suit
Leonard: Busted
Britta: I'm willing to try some more mainstream feminine stuff.
Jeff: Well, then you should know that nothing says "I'm a woman" like... doing it with me.
Britta: Nothing says "I'm a pig" like you
Jeff: This decision has to be yours, T-Bone. And this decision has to be yes.
Troy: How did you know my nickname was T-Bone?
Jeff: Because you're a football player. And your name begins with "T."
Jeff: You're just as selfish as I am. You're just not as good at it yet.
Annie: You're right. I could never be as good as you. Probably because I actually care.
Jeff: Profound, but technically meaningless
Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player, its in your blood
Troy: That's racists
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay
Jeff: That's homophoebic
Troy: That's black
Jeff: That's racist!
Troy: Damn
Abed [about Jeff and Britta]: Will they or won't they, sexual tension
Jeff: Abed, it make the group uncomfortable when you talk about the group like we're characters in a show you're watching
Abed: That's sort of my gimmick, but we did lean on that pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode
Annie: I've been following you, how did you get Troy to play football?
Jeff: I'm not having a conversation with someone that emerged from a bush
Annie: Because I'm right?
Jeff: No, because I'm not in a commercial for a breakfast cereal
The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was less than legitimate.
