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Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.

If a horse-drawn carriage shows up here, my throwing up will be eternal.

Clara: Is Jess your real name?
Jess: Yes.
Clara: Do you like it?
Jess: It's fine.
Clara: Would you rather be named Bill?
Jess: No.
Clara: Frank?
Jess: No.
Clara: Mike?
Jess: No.
Clara: Bob?
Jess: No.
Clara: Ed?
Jess: (to Dean) Does this belong to you?

Clara: Jess can't throw.
Jess: I can, too.
Clara: You missed every time.
Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.

Dean: What's the matter, Jess? Why you walking away?
Jess: It's getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff.

Luke: Shouldn't we say thanks first?
Jess: For what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for small pox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.

Jimmy: When you left home, were the cops after you?
Jess: No.
Jimmy: No cause they shouldn't be, or no cause they haven't found the head yet?

Clara: Yes. Will you go get me a snow cone?
Jess: Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.

Jess: I need ham.
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday!
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: Ceasar, there is a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty-handed, there is a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me!
Ceaser: No ham!
Jess: Then sew some bacon together because that woman is getting ham!

Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: What?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: But...why?
Jess: Just...wanted to.
(Rory kisses Jess)
Rory: Oh my God!
Jess: Rory...
Rory: Don't say a word!
Jess: Okay.
Rory: (turns and begins to run away then looks back) Oh! Welcome home!

Rory: Do they allow hot dogs in the subway?
Jess: You are such an out-of-towner!

Rory: Thank you so much for bringing me here! You know, I might just show you my withering stare in return.
Jess: I'm a lucky man.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 51 in total

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
Rory: Why? What does it mean?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
Rory: Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

I feel like crap on toast.

Michel