Favorite Jess Mariano Quotes
Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: What?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: But...why?
Jess: Just...wanted to.
(Rory kisses Jess)
Rory: Oh my God!
Jess: Rory...
Rory: Don't say a word!
Jess: Okay.
Rory: (turns and begins to run away then looks back) Oh! Welcome home!
Dean: Rory, don't go.
Jess: Well, geez man. She's not shipping off to 'Nam.
Jimmy: When you left home, were the cops after you?
Jess: No.
Jimmy: No cause they shouldn't be, or no cause they haven't found the head yet?
(Jess and Luke are searching for an apartment)
Jess: Forget it!
Luke: Why? What was wrong with it?
Jess: It was pink!
Luke: We can paint it.
Jess: You mean I can paint it.
Luke: We can paint it together.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.
Luke: Fine. Which one did you like?
Jess: The one before.
Luke: The one with the two fridges?
Jess: No.
Luke: Well, the one before was the one with two fridges.
Jess: No, the one we saw before was the one with the cat!
Luke: I hate cats!
Jess: Well, I don't think the cat came with the place.
Luke: Yeah, but it had carpeting which means it's always gonna smell like a cat.
Jess: (shrugs) Clean the carpet.
Luke: Paint the pink.
Jess: Fine. The one next to the bank.
Luke: Nah, too many windows.
Jess: What?
Luke: Six windows, all on one side, three o'clock in the afternoon, we're sittin' in an oven.
Jess: So we get curtains.
Luke: Well, you'd have to help me put them up.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.
Luke: Stop saying that!
Man: Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?
Rory: Oh, um, that way.
Man: Great, thanks.
Rory: I got asked directions.
Jess: I saw.
Rory: He took me for a native. That's so cool.
Jess: That's very impressive. Forty-fourth's the other way.
Luke: I had any interesting call today, want to know who it was from?
Jess: Not really.
Luke: It was from Taylor Doose, you know, he owns the market.
Jess: If you say so.
Luke: He said you came in today.
Jess: He did?
Luke: And he said you took some money out of a little donation cup to help repair the bridge. I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble. Then I hung up on him. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor and he is crazy. But I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true.
Jess: What do you think?
Luke: I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, I'm gonna believe it.
Jess: Okay, it's not true.
Luke: That doesn't sound very convincing.
Jess: What exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?
Luke: I'm trying to help you!
Jess: Well stop trying! Stop following me, stop talking to me, stop asking me questions! Just stop!
Luke: That's what you want?
Jess: Yes.
Luke: That's really what you want?
Jess: Yes!
Luke: You got it.
Jess: Thank you!
Luke: You're welcome!
(As they cross over a bridge, Luke pushes Jess into the water)
Clara: Yes. Will you go get me a snow cone?
Jess: Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.
(Jess stumbles down the stairs)
Lorelai: Oh, you're very graceful.
Jess: She pushed me.
Rory: Sue me!
Jess: I could've broken my neck!
Rory: (hands him a pot) As long as it's not your arm, we need your arm.
Paris: Hey, where'd he come from? What's up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got yourself a little cat house up there?
Jess: Wow, I think she got you Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity.
Jess: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
Luke: Jess!
Jess: I wanna be good, life's just not letting me.
(Rory is trying to get Jess to leave)
Jess: Are you sure we couldn't sit down, have a little heart-to-heart? He'd tell me his issues, I'd tell him mine, we'd hug.
Rory: (opens door) Go.
Jess: (going outside) Okay, well give him my best...(sees Dean at bottom of steps) Actually, I think I might do that myself.
Rory: He just dropped by to give me some food.
Jess: From Luke's.
Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
Jess: Luke did.
Rory: Yeah, Luke did.
Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
Jess:(sees what Dean's holding) And what's that? Aw, a little ice cream package just big enough for two. How sweet. (Dean glowers at Jess) Oh, now you're doing that towering-over-me thing. Huh. You've really got that down. It helps that you're like twelve feet tall, but add that Frankenstein scowl it's just.
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Okay, I'm leaving. (starts to walk away, turns around and says to Dean) I really was just dropping off some food, so don't get all West Side Story on me, alright?
Jess: I'm in the middle of something.
Rory: Just assume that Jeanie is going to get Major Healy out of whatever scrape he's in.
Jess: Gee, thanks for spoiling it for me.
Jess: What's the white stuff?
Luke: I think it's cream ... or cheese.
Jess: How about the green stuff?
Luke: I think it's ... best picked off.
