Favorite Jess Mariano Quotes
(Alarm clock goes off with the sound of ducks as the alarm sound) Lorelai: Hey, ducks! Rory: (at door, talking to Jess) We just got a new alarm clock. Jess: Bet I know what the lead story in the Stars Hollow Gazette's going to be tomorrow.
(Jess comes down the stairs drssed in a flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap)
Lorelai: Uh, Luke...
Luke: What? (sees Jess) What do you think you're doing?
Jess: Working.
Luke: So, you think this is funny.
Jess: I'm sorry, I thought this was the uniform.
Luke: You know what? That's fine. Have your little joke, doesn't bother me at all. Clean that table.
Jess: Yeah?
Luke: I'm ignoring you. You do not exist.
Jess: Okay. (Jess starts to clean table)
Luke: That's it, gets upstairs and change.
Jess: Whatever you say, Uncle Luke.
Luke: It's Luke. Just Luke. Mister Luke. In fact, don't address me at all!
Lorelai: What, did you get all dressed in black and pull a Mission Impossible? Jess: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.
Lorelai: That bracelet is the most precious thing she owns. She never takes it off, and your stealing it was unbelievably cruel.
Jess: The most precious thing she owns?
Lorelai: Yes.
Jess: If it's the most precious thing she owns, why did it take her two weeks to notice it was gone? You might want to reevaluate how madly in love she is. I wouldn't start calling him son yet.
Rory: I just wanted to thank you.
Luke: For what?
Rory: The care package. It was really sweet.
Luke: What care package?
Jess: Uh, Luke, they're hitting the water line again.
Luke: What? Tom, you are dead. You hear me? Dead! (Goes off)
Jess: Wanna pay?
Rory: Funny, I don't think Luke knew anything about the food last night.
Jess: That'll be $12.50.
Rory: Which means you lied about why you came over.
Jess: I'm out of quarters, I'll have to give you nickels.
Rory: You wanted to come over!
Jess: I gotta get back to work.
Rory: You're squirming. I've never seen you squirm. It's entertaining.
Jess: Yeah?
Wow, aren't we hooked on Phonics!
Rory: Good night, Dodger.
Jess: What?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.
Jess: Want to bail?
Rory: Um...no.
Jess: How come?
Rory: Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini mart just closed 20 minutes ago.
Jess: Okay, well, I'll be right over there when you are. I just can't wait for that learning to begin. Hey, are we gonna do some of those Schoolhouse Rocks songs?
Rory: I'll be right there, Jess.
Jess: 'Cause they say if you just make learning fun. . .
Lorelai: Give us a minute, okay?
Jess: Well, hurry a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
(During a test. Jess asked Lane for a pen and she said that there was one in her backpack)
Jess: My mother told me never go through a lady's bag. . .at least, not until you're a couple blocks away. I'm just kidding, she never said that. Though it sounds like pretty good advice, doesn't it?
Lane: Take it and shut up. (She hands him a pen)
Jess: Well, I tell you, it's true small towns sure are friendly.
Jess: Pick a card.
(Rory takes the cards from him and tosses them on the floor)
Jess: Huh. Well that just made the trick a little bit harder.
Rory: We're studying.
Jess: You're studying. I'm prying into your personal life.
