Jim: Why is there so much saliva?
Dwight: All I had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.

Jim: How many buttons do you have?
Dwight: 40...always.

Dwight: What is the antidote?
Jim: True love's kiss.

Do you shower at night? Or do you shower in the morning? 'Cause I wanna shower when you're showering...save some water.

I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve...I was home by nine.

Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.

Oh my boss is singing "Closing Time."

Jim: This is literally how they built the pyramids.
Dwight: Well they whipped people, which was helpful.

Jim: I mean I don't even know what I'd do with all that money.
Dwight: I know what you'd do with all that money. "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug."

Andy: You think it has anything to do with the incentive program?
Jim: Oh absolutely. People wanna see you tattoo your ass.

He talked her out of her own job and I don't know how someone does that.

Dwight: What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee?
Jim: Pee Pa.

The Office Quotes

A little cover up on your adam's apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite.

Michael (to Gabe)

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael