The Office

Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 16)

Michael: Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this?
Jim: I am not gonna do this.
Michael: Obviously.
Jim: And you are not going to, either.
Michael: Oh, agreed, mmm, except...
Jim: Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes.
Jim: I would prefer not to.
Michael: Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company.
Jim: You're starting your own paper company?
Michael: yeah!
Jim: Why?
Michael: Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
Jim: Do you know the industry is in decline?
Michael: Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline.
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Stanley: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
Michael: I have a job.
Andy: For four more days.
Pam: Do you have any leads on a job?
Michael: Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
Jim: You called any headhunters?
Michael: Any good headhunter knows I am available.
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Jim: About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.
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Jim: And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.
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Charles: Excuse me, guys. What's going on in here?
Michael: Party Planning Committee. Not your concern, Charles.
Charles: This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time.
Michael: Really? Well then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead.
Jim: No, I would like to get back to work, actually, please.
Charles: Whatcha got, Jim?... What is a two-way petting zoo?
Jim: You pet the animals and they pet you back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Angela: Thanks again, Charles.
Kelly: Thank you.
Michael: Nobody thanked me.
Jim: Thanks, Charles.
Michael: For breakfast.
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Pam: He just had to wear his tux today.
Jim: I thought it'd be funny.
Pam: Took him 40 minutes to get ready.
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Jim: Hey, how you doing? Jim Halpert, sales. Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know.
Charles: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Jim: I didn't think you'd notice. Uh, it's funny actually, there's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, and he sent out this memo, as he always does, and, uh, it was about professionalism in the workplace. Of course, he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him.
Charles: Uh.
Jim: Oh, you'd understand if you read the memo which I should probably get you, there's probably one in a drawer... uh. It was pretty crazy. But, uh, not more crazy than wearing a tux, at work, I grant you that... so, uh.
Charles: Your name is Jim?
Jim: Jim Halpert, yep. So, um, just going to let you get back to it...
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Well, well, well, who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner and he is the new VP for the Northeast region. So, just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. [leads round of applause] Here he is.
Charles: I was-
Michael: Wow! Hold that thought. I want everybody to go into the break room. I have a little surprise for you. Go ahead. You too. Dwight, would you escort our guest in there? C'mon, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy, you're one of us. [whispers] Dwight, stall him a little, I have to get the fish.
Jim: Hey.
Michael: Yes.
Jim: Really wish you would have told me the new boss was coming today.
Michael: What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous.
Jim: Nope. I mean, I could have brought a change of clothes, or-
Michael: You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick. Ok, get the fish.
 • Rating: Unrated

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