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Monica: (About Joey's modeling job) Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (Crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

Chandler: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Which sister?

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?

Phoebe: (Looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it) Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
Joey: Thanks, yeah. I love this, but you know what? It makes me want to pee.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, me too. Yeah. I think that's the challenge.

Joey: How can you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! No, wait. That's Popes into a Volkswagen.

Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya!

Chandler: Richard's going to the party too, huh?
Monica: He's my parents' best friend. He has to be there.
Joey: So, is today the day you gonna tell them about you two?
Monica: Yeah, for my Dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.

Monica: I'm gonna go. I have a date.
Rachel: With Alan again? How's it going?
Monica: It's going pretty good. It's nice and we're having fun.
Joey: When do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.

Joey: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?!
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Ya know, you'd think I would have.

Chandler: Hey, how's the first day going?
Joey: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
Chandler: Well there you go.
Joey: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
Chandler: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
Joey: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Chandler: Weird world. Your kids?
Joey: I figure my character has kids.
Chandler: You know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
Joey: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
Joey: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... You know what? Just did.
Chandler: Wow, that's some pretty strong imaginary sperm you've got there.

Joey: Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Chandler: I want to say you, but that seems like such an easy answer.

Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 361 in total

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!

Chandler