Monica: (About Joey's modeling job) Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (Crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

Monica: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie.
(Grabs boob from under Joey's head)
Monica: Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?

Rachel: I'm training to be better at a job that I hate. My life officially sucks.
Joey: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Rachel: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Ya know, other than sending out resumes like, what, two years ago?
Rachel: Well, I'm also sending out.... good thoughts.
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Rachel: The fear?
Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get "the fear?"
(Chandler and Joey both start laughing)
Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.

Joey: How can you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! No, wait. That's Popes into a Volkswagen.

Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya!

Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.

Monica: I'm gonna go. I have a date.
Rachel: With Alan again? How's it going?
Monica: It's going pretty good. It's nice and we're having fun.
Joey: When do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.

Joey: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?!
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Ya know, you'd think I would have.

Phoebe: (Looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it) Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
Joey: Thanks, yeah. I love this, but you know what? It makes me want to pee.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, me too. Yeah. I think that's the challenge.

Joey: Come on man, you have not done anything since you and her broke up.
Chandler: Thats not true. I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say I don't have goals.

Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!