The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Kent Brockman Quotes
Oh we have lots of names for these people. Bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth, we'd like to sweep these people into the gutter, or if already in the gutter, to some other out of the way place. Oh we have our reasons. They're depressing, their ragged clothes, they're crazy, they smell bad. So every year on one conscience salving day, we toss these people a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better.
Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down?
Kent
Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "No, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "Yes"... Marge Simpson.
Kent Brockman: So you have no professional objection to Itchy & Scratchy?
Marvin Monroe: No not at all, in fact, uh, one of my guilty little pleasures is to snuggle up with a big bucket of buttered popcorn, dim the lights, listen to Itchy and Scratchy, and laugh myself silly. Now what the hell is wrong with that?
Eenie meenie miney mo. Is Homer a hero? The answer is no.
Kent: And we visit with heavyweight champion Drederick Tatum, who reminisces about growing up in Springfield.
Tatum: That town is a dump. If you ever see me back there, you'll know I really (bleep)-ed up bad.
Kent: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man.
Homer: He's not so fat.
Homer: It's not our fault, we didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
Marge: Homer!!!
Homer: Um, could you edit that last part out?
Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live coast to coast!
Homer: D'oh!
Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.
Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter's opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.
Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.
Good evening, again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common, alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages from 8 to 80 hang on each new development like so many Romanian trapeze artists.
