Popular Kevin Malone Quotes
I was trying to throw this party once, and everyone was over for the weekend. And then my Uncle Bernie died. So then me and my best friend had to pretend like he was alive.
Kevin
Kelly: Um, Diwali is awesome. And there's food, and there's gonna be dancing. And, oh, I got the raddest outfit. It has, um, sparkles-
Michael: Kelly? Um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday?
Kelly: Oh, um, I don't know. It's really old, I think.
Angela: How many gods do you have?
Kelly: Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.
Angela: And that blue busty gal? What's her story?
Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down.
Dwight: Pam wishes.
Michael: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who has seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it!
Kevin: This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
Michael: Thank you, Kevin.
Phyllis: Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes?
Angela: I wish some of us still had our shoes on.
Kevin: Stop it! It's a disease! I told you!
Carol: [wearing cheerleader outfit] I thought you said this was a costume party!
Michael: [pointing out a woman] What does that look like to you?
Carol: An Indian woman in a sari!
Michael: No one's even going to notice.
Kevin: Nice outfit.
Michael: Hey, Kevin! It's a costume, so why don't you just cool it, okay?
I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... [whispers] it sounds an awful lot like what I do here... Every. Day.
Kevin
I hear Angela's party will have double fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela.
Kevin
Jim: Yikes.
Kevin: Already sent it to you my friend.
Jim: Fantastic.
Andy: Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
Kevin: Angela.
Angela: What?
Kevin: That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
Angela: They arrived this morning.
Kevin: Are you sure? It is a big deal.
Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
Kevin: ... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.
Oscar: Hey, everyone.
Kevin: Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your GAY-cation?
Oscar: Oh, that's very funny.
Kevin: Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left!
No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding ... and our guitarist's wedding.
Kevin: [to Angela, who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do... mon.
