Popular Kevin Malone Quotes
Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you?
Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael.
Michael: Huh?
Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid...
Michael: Pop quiz.
Kevin: ...What?
Michael: Why is today a special day?
Kevin: I almost died.
Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you...
Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class.
Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school.
Kevin: Wow.
Pam: Oh, that duck is so cute.
Kevin: Hey Pam.
Pam: Hey guys.
Kevin: Oscar. Angela.
Michael: I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again.
Darryl: I'ma call Roy, man.
Michael: Ohh... kay.
Darryl: This is gonna make him feel better.
Michael: All right.
Darryl: This is too good.
Michael: Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit?
Pam: Oh my God, that's a woman's suit!
Kevin: You're wearing a woman's suit?
Michael: No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin.
Kevin: Who makes it?
Michael: Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.
Phyllis: Look, it's got shoulder pads, and did you see that lining?
Michael: Okay.
Phyllis: Did you see...
Michael: Would you stop it, please?
Jim: So, none of that tipped you off?
Michael: It's European, OK? It's a European cut.
Pam: Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.
Kevin: Michael, here's the, uh, $15 I owe you.
Michael: Oh, thank you.
Kevin: Yeah. I heard you might need it. So...
Creed: Here's the $40 you gave me.
Michael: I didn't give you $40.
Creed: In a way you did.
Darryl: The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat.
Dwight: Yeah!
Andy: It's on!
Darryl: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler?
Michael: Bail'er? I hardly know her.
Lonny: Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man.
Darryl: Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody?
Kevin: Five bucks says it's over 50.
Jim: You really wanna bet?
Darryl: Anybody?
Kevin: Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored.
Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works?
Ryan: I guess I forgot.
Kelly: You're such a ditz.
Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
Toby: Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato.
Pam: Hey Creed.
Creed: Hey!
Pam: Hey.
Creed: Hello. [Jim replaces Creed's apple with a potato, Creed takes a bite of the potato]
Pam: Yes!
Kevin: Here you go. [hands money]
Toby: Nice.
I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.
Kevin
Michael: There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks.
Kevin: Do you think it's gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York?
Michael: No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up, and I think if she had something to say she would have called me.
Oscar: Maybe you should talk to her? Before...
Michael: No, no, no. You know what? It's a done deal. I basically have the job already. There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo.
Kevin: Are you kidding me, Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile; they're just keeping it a secret. Right?
Oscar: I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things.
Kevin: Are you kidding me?
Kevin: [to Angela, who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do... mon.
