Archer: Lana, I'm in love with you.
Lana: You are also shitfaced.
Archer: I can be both.

Lana: Oh My... You're getting off on this!
Archer: And?

Archer: I would have qualified... if I made it to the thing.
Lana: If your aunt has balls, she'd be your uncle.

Archer: You're just doing this to spite me!
Lana: And?

Lana: This isn't the Sheriff's department where you get wear a windbreak and go on a ride-along. This is highly classified cover ops.
Rona: Yes! Covert ops! This is exactly the kind of spy lingo I want to soak up.
Pam: What part of highly classified do you not understand?
Rona: All of it!

Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

Lana: What are your three biggest fears?
Archer: Getting stuck on a boat with you three times.

Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.

Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?

Archer [to airboat owner]: I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase, "I'm commandeering this airboat!"
Lana: Sorry, it really is an emergency.
Archer: Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!

Lana: He's attacked nuclear power plants, hydroelectric dams, and whaling ships.
Archer: Whaling ships? What he's got something against clean burning lamp oil?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.