Larry David Quotes
Larry: I'd like to return this, please.
Sales woman: What seems to be the problem?
Larry: You know, it's kinda of half-jacket, half-shirt; half-man, half-beast.
Shoe Salesman: I am not a shoe whore!
Larry: I didn't accuse you of being a shoe whore!
Mary's Mother: Your wife must be very proud of you.
Larry: No, she's not.
Mary's Mother: She's not?
Larry: Not even a little bit
Everything's "heaven" with him. The comment if he had a piece of gum, "I'm in heaven." Had to taste a chocolate bar, "oh, oh, I'm in heaven." The parking space is "heaven."
You wear that dress because you want people to look at your shoes, right?
A gay Jew in Nazi Germany. He must have had a hard time
Larry: They're not breasts; they're just big, chemical balls.
Richard: You can tell they're fake?
Larry: I can take a guess
Larry [on the pants tent]: Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing, you know?
Cheryl: 'Cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?
Larry: I dunno, is it a bad thing for me to walk around like that?
Cheryl: Yeah, it is. edit »
My wife tells her friend I'm looking for somebody to go to the movies with, so now I'm going to the the movies with my wife's friend, who I find really annoying
Larry: Excuse me. Is that a problem for you?
Sofia: Excuse me
Larry: Yeah, that's exactly right.
Sofia: Could you be a little bit nicer about it and just go by.
Larry: A little bit nicer, you make this big sigh, I'm just trying to get by
Sofia: Well I'm sitting here and you could enter the other way
Larry: Could you just move your legs?
Sofia: What are you doing? Are you looking at my breasts? You're looking at my breasts.
Larry: I'm not looking at your breasts, I'm trying to get to my seat.
Sofia: Announcing He's looking at my breasts
Larry: Yeah, your special breasts. Just excuse me please?
Sofia: Please just go by, without stepping on my foot!
Cheryl: How was the movie?
Larry: Oh, not bad. So, not quite sure how to tell you this but, I think your friend Nancy thinks she got me aroused in the movie.
Cheryl: Why would she think that?
Larry: Because of the tent in the pants, and she looked down
Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
