Sheldon: Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song?
Leonard: Why would it trouble you? It's like your third favorite cartoon theme song.
Sheldon: It is, right behind [Sheldon sings "Inspector Gadget" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" theme songs]
Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man's Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things that Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One crawl in your ear and die, two legally leave Guatemala without a passport, and three have sex with a spider.

Raj: You got this buddy.
Leonard: Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm.
Raj: You can do it.
Penny: That's great. Cheerleading. Way to man things up.

Sheldon: Leonard, you're my best friend. Why don't you ever take my side.
Leonard: Because I can never understand your side!

We're still dating, right?

Leonard: Who you talking to?
Penny: Just this guy I met at school.
Leonard: We're still dating, right?

Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?"
Howard: Yeah.

She writes like she cooks.

Sheldon: Oh, ow, blueberry in my nose. Blueberry in my nose.
Leonard: Snort it down and keep eating.
Sheldon: [snorts]

Sheldon: How could you not find him?
Leonard: Because he's hard to find. If he was easy to find, the books would be called "There's Waldo."

A solar system? Uh,uh,um, unidentified flying liverwurst? I don't....

Leonard: In what universe is that a present?
Sheldon: It's not a present. It's the present. There's you and me. It's Penny and Amy. We're playing Pictionary. In the present.

It had weaponized fruit and a puppet. What more do you want?

TBBT Quotes

I just gave you my virginity, woman. Cool your jets!

Sheldon

Penny: Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.
Leonard: I got a triple word score with a double letter Q. If that's not a time to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?