Keates: Spider?
Tony: Keates?
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?

Keates: If there was ever any indication that he or his family were any danger we would have stepped in.
Gibbs: His wife's dead. Think you missed your cue.
Keates: Okay look here, John Wayne. You don't come into my house and accuse me of not doing my job.
Tony: Okay why don't we just settle down, back it up.
Keates: Like hell. I am damned good at what I do. I'm also professional enough to admit when I've made a mistake but only when I've made one.

Rachel: What's wrong Agent Gibbs?
Gibbs: You haven't been honest with me.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Gibbs: (shows her the gun) I went back by your house. I did a little digging under your fort.
Rachel: I didn't have time to bury it deeper. I needed to get back before Mr. Curtis realized I snuck out.
Gibbs: Then what happened?
Rachel: Don't look at me like that.
Gibbs: I want to help you. I can't help you if you don't let me.
Rachel: That's exactly what my mother said. That she wanted to help me. She was going to send me to a special hospital in Montana for treatment. I don't need help. I hate that word. And I hated her.
Gibbs: Yeah but you don't hate your dad though do you?
Rachel: No. Dad didn't see what she did. Things were always better when he was around.
Gibbs: That's why you injured yourself? So he'd come back?
Rachel: Sometimes it worked. But he'd never stay as long as I wanted.
Gibbs: Unless your mom was gone. Then he couldn't leave you.
Rachel: It's her own fault. All she ever did was make me feel broken. Getting rid of her was the best solution. Daddy didn't understand either when I told him what I did. He'll come around eventually. I'm a sweet little girl. Can I have another juice?

Meyer: I'm sorry, I feel like we're not on the same page. What's this about?
Gibbs: Joe Willis - he's your security officer?
Meyer: He in some kind of trouble?
Gibbs: Yeah, you could say that.
Meyer: Holy crap.
Borin: We on the same page now?

Gibbs: You and me need to talk. Alone. Hey - it's not a request. Petty Officer remove this man from the radio room. This radio's been sabotaged.
Meyer: Holy--
Gibbs: Stop.
Meyer: I have no--
Gibbs: Don't. Busted radio. Dead security officer. Wounded captain and him.
Meyer: Reynaldo? He--
Gibbs: He's wearing canvas shoes, not steel-toed boots. Who is he? Because he is not part of your crew.

SecNav: How do you do it? It's like pigs at the trough.
Gibbs: In some places it really is a trough.

Pavlenko: Agent Gibbs. I was relieved to learn of your safe return after the helicopter accident.
Gibbs: It was no accident. It was a missile.

Tony: Am I updating the FBI?
Gibbs: No, no not yet.
Tony: Got it. And if Leia asks?
Gibbs: Geeze, DiNozzo. Make something up. She's your girlfriend.
Tony: Why - did she say something? Did she mention me by name?

McGee - it's the overprotective big brother routine that's getting old.

I can't believe I called the POTUS a wise-ass

Tony

Moore: I gotta ask you something.
Gibbs: No she's not married. She's not dating anybody.
Moore: How'd you know I--
Gibbs: A wild guess.

Vance: A week ago I go in for a physical, feeling fine. Now they want to run more tests.
Gibbs: Yeah? What's wrong?
Vance: The chest x-ray showed that there's spots on my lungs.
Gibbs: What's your doctor say about that?
Vance: He's waiting for the results of the CAT scan that I'm taking tomorrow. I'll know more then.
Gibbs: He give a guess?
Vance: Lymphoma. Advance stage. I'm scared, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Yeah. Anybody would be.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott