The only guy that I care about right now is six feet tall with wild crazy hair and a ukulele that doubles as a water gun. Freddy Spaghetti.

Less man time, more Ann time.

Don't make it last very long. Ladies don't like that.

Leslie: Is this a bad time?
Tom: Lucy's here, I'm in my sexy pajamas. I just took four Benadryls to dull my sensitivity. Yes.
Leslie: You're about to have sex.
Tom: Why else would Boyz II Men's "On Bended Knee" be playing right now.

Mark: You know, not everyone has your enthusiasm for this work.
Leslie: You know, I guess I've been mispronouncing your name all these years, Mark Brendana-quits.

Leslie: That is not your call.
Ben: I know, it's on your badge.

You're wrong. Are you crazy? Can you put a price tag on a child's smile?

I'm very glad that you agree with me, but I actually worked really hard on my argument. Is there any way I can still, kind of, yeah?

No one is more upset about this than I am. Not like it's a competition or anything. 'Cause if it was, I would win, but that's neither here nor there. The point is I would win.

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Leslie: I really made love to the pooch on this one.
Ron: Screwed the pooch?
Leslie: I don't like that term. It's too vulgar.

Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron