Barney: I think we all know who's responsible for this.Lily: Yes we do.
Barney: Al Qaeda.
Lily: No, you idiot. It was me.
Barney: YOU sonofabitch!!!
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Ted: She was cute.
Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
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Barney: I hope you're happy with yourself. You broke that girl's heart!
Lily: Me?!
Barney: You! She'll probably never trust a guy again. You ruined her for Ted! Not to mention Julio van Matterhorn, Lorenzo's twin brother.
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Lily: That is awful. You realize you broke her heart, right? She's inconsolable!
Barney: Why would she be inconsolable? Lorenzo's balloon won't disappear over the arctic for another week.
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Lily: Don't you think you're rushing back into this?
Barney: Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
Lily: Huh?
Barney: This, my friends, is the playbook!
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Lily: Barney I've had Shelly set aside for three years
Barney: Dude, Ted was not missing out. She's brainy and annoying. Kind of boring in the sack. Oh I guess she would have been perfect for Ted. Whoops.
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Lily: That's it. I'm coming out of retirement for one. Last. Breakup.
Ted and Marshall: YES!
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Marshall: What'd you get?
Lily: I got squat.
Marshall: What? I thought I saw you take one.
Lily: I did. It's called Squat.
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Lily [about breaking people up]: I've gone legit I'm done with that racket, I'm now a matchmaker
Ted: Set me up with someone
Lily: Woh, I'm just starting out
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Ted: They're killing each other!
Lily: They love each other.
Ted: Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore. They're the fat guy and the old lady.
Marshall: My favorite '70s detective show!
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Total Quotes: 176
