Lucille: How's my son?
Doctor: He's going to be all right.
Lindsay Funke: Finally some good news from this guy.
George Michael Bluth: There's no other way to take that.
Doctor: That's a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
Lucille: But you said he was all right.
Doctor: Yes, he's lost his left hand. So he's going to be "all right."
Lucille: [Jumping on the doctor] You son of a bitch! I hate this doctor!

Lindsay: That's the first time we're in the shower since our honeymoon.
Tobias: And this time no tears!

Lindsay: Well Gob doesn't do anything for the family...
Gob: Hey... I'm f(bleep)ing Lucille 2!
Lindsay: Ohh.. I could do something like that...

Michael: If you had tried and failed, I'd understand, but you didn't even try.
Lindsay: So I didn't even fail, and I don't see you giving me credit for that.

Michael: It all makes sense. Why else would Sally Sitwell be avoiding me?
Lindsay: Because she thinks you're a loser.
Gob: And why would Lucille 2 be so distant toward me?
Lindsay: Because she knows you're a loser.

Michael: You were not on a date with Dragon.
Lindsay: I know that, Michael. It was pretty obvious when Dragon kept swooping Uncle Jack in for a kiss.

I'm going to see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. (everyone looks at her) ... I was trying to be sexy, it just got away from me.

Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did 'nothing' cancel?

Lindsay: What happened to you?
Tobias: (with a bandage wrap on his head) What? Oh, oh! My ears. The doctor said I can't go to sleep for five hours, or I might die or something. (to George Michael) Oh! I got blown! So, I can't sleep!

Maeby: What? So, I'm not invited to the Bluth Company Christmas party?
Lindsay: Oh, honey, of course you can go if you want to.
Maeby: Thanks, Mom.
Lindsay: No, you're not going to that. You see, if I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.
Maeby: I've never thought of you that way.

Lindsay: (regarding Tobias and their open marriage) I wonder how many women he's slept with, if any.
Michael: Lindsay, it's not a competition.
Lindsay: Of course it is, Michael. That's why they call it 'scoring'.
Michael: Maybe in the '70s.
Lindsay: That many? We've only been doing this for a month.

Michael: You know, instead of competing with Tobias, why don't you try just spending a little bit more time with your daughter?
Lindsay: Why? Tobias doing that?

Arrested Development Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom