Popular Liz Lemon Quotes
Liz: How you doin'?
Jenna: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?
Liz: Yeah.
Jenna: And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?
Liz: Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it.
Liz: What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you were to go on a date with a girl, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.
Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.
Liz: I hate going up to Donaghy's office even for something normal. I always feel like I'm entering the Death Star. I swear if Donaghy does this [does Darth Vader force strangle] at me, I'll run.
Pete: You'll be fine, Captain Needa.
Liz: No, Captain Needa dies. He dies!
Pete: So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you are racist.
Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.
Liz: This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.
Dennis: Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright. It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
Liz: No rat talk tonight, okay.
Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?
Guy: Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Liz: [sighs] Really dude? I got to move my coat? There are like 4 empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
[guy leaves]
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink... do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
Liz: What's going on, business got ya down?
Jack: Business doesn't get me down, business gets me off.
Liz: Ok, what's your game, friend?
Gray (The Hair): Game? There's no game. What are you talking about?
Liz: I don't have any money if that's what you're after. And I'm not one of those girls that does weird stuff in bed because they think they have to. If you're a gay guy looking for a beard, I don't do that anymore. And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them, I have an uncle who's a cop so don't even try it.
Jack: Are you familiar with the GE tri-vection oven?
Liz: I don't cook very much.
Jack: Sure... I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says "healthy body image" on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for ... a week.
Pete: That is dead on!
Liz: What, are you going to guess my weight now?
Jack: You don't want me to do that.
