Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
(Holds out tissue)
Buster: No, Mother! I can blow myself.
George Sr.: Hey, Bruno, any chance that the hole is available between 4:00 and 6:00?
Lucille: I don't even want to know what that means.
Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
Let me tell you something, sweetie. We may pick on each other, get into little scrapes, call each other names and occasionally steal from each other, but that's because we are family.
If I still had money, I'd buy a Klimpy's just to burn it to the ground.
Hostess: Mrs. Bluth, there's absolutely no room.
Lindsay: Come on. I've suddenly lost my appetite.
Lucille: Oh, who's going to believe that?
Waitress: Welcome to Klimpy's. Anywhere you like.
Lucille: This does not bode well.
Lindsay: (sobbing) How can you treat me this way?!
Lucille: Oh, please! Everything I've said about you can be covered with makeup and a lie about a thyroid problem. Good grief almighty! You think I'm enjoying my slide into poverty?
Michael: I met a publicist today. I'm going to hire her. We need somebody to make us look good.
Lucille: And I say it's a waste of money. We're-we're plenty sympathetic as we are. Is this your onion?
Lucille: What's in the foil?
Lupe: Nothing. It's a ball of foil for my son.
Lucille: Have a great day, sweetie.
Jessie: Your father's religious now? We'll play that up. It's very sympathetic.
Lucille: Yeah. Who doesn't love the Jews?
Lindsay: "Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire somebody to kick your ass for that.
Lucille: Save your money.
Lindsay: You're right. I'll do it myself.