Phil: Then today it's, "everything I can do you can do better."
Luke: No, I can't.
Phil: Yes, you can.

Luke: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Alex: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

Manny: Hey, that's my bike!
Luke: We're all making sacrifices. I'm wearing a monokini.

Manny: And just like that, it disappears.
Luke: In his defense, the water is really cold.

Haley got married? She is in so much trouble!

Lesson learned- when pressure builds to dangerous levels, it must be released.

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Luke [to Lily]: Okay a boy and a girl meet a frat party and they both think each other is totally hot. So they pound their beers and head upstairs-
Manny: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Claire: This cold stops with me. Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
Phil: You did?
Luke: Appreciated the back rub. Not sure I loved being called Miss Thang.
Phil: Nooooo!

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Luke: Move!
Haley: You have plenty of room!
Luke: No, move out. You're 40!

Luke: What's Zima?
Phil: Just a party in a bottle. Man that reminds me of some wild times.

Modern Family Quotes

You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but only I can make her laugh.

Phil

I never liked Spandau Ballet. Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?

Phil