Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.

Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

I'm not adorable, I'm getting a mustache.

Wouldn't you rather have toast that's already buttered?

Phil: What did I say about eating things for money?
Luke: Charge the most and people will think you're worth it.

You're never off the court!

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

And the birthday video becomes a nature film.

Manny: Does anyone care that I'm not from Mexico?
Luke: You keep saying that but we've never seen a birth certificate.

Manny: Luke I need you for this. You're sneakier than I am, you a bigger liar, you have no moral compass.
Luke: Look thanks for all the compliments, but breaking into one stupid party? That's not even a challenge.

Wake up Delgado, locked box, from Columbia, no more questions, it's obviously a human head.

Phil: It's not nerdy, Luke back me up.
Luke: I hope you mean into the garage because I have friend on this street.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil