Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family

Phil: Who says people at the closet convention get all the fun?
Luke: No one, no one says that.

Well there was this girl on the 16-year-old team who wasn't wearing a bra, so that was cool.

You know, I've got problems of my own. I can't always be the lovable sidekick on the manny show. Did you even notice I'm binge eating?

For the record, I do all my own wiping.

Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.

Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?

I'm not adorable, I'm getting a mustache.

Wouldn't you rather have toast that's already buttered?

Phil: What did I say about eating things for money?
Luke: Charge the most and people will think you're worth it.

You're never off the court!

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

And the birthday video becomes a nature film.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 86 in total
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